Now, before Soria turned into a mere mortal this season, this wouldn't have been much of a game. But since he has struggled for pretty much the whole 2011 season, we've got to do something to calm the nerves any time he tries to protect a lead.
So, here are the rules:
1. Before Soria comes in, take one drink if the Royals are ahead by three runs, two drinks if they are ahead by two runs, and three drinks if the lead is one run. The tighter the game, the more alcohol is needed.
2. Also, take one drink for each runner the Royals left on base in their previous inning. Insurance runs? Who needs 'em?
3. Leadoff walk. Drink.
4. Bloop hit. Drink.
5. Ground ball through the infield. Drink.
6. Soria gets the first out. One drink of water.
6. Soria's famous rainbow curve misses the strike zone by a foot. Drink one shot. Since Soria is Mexican, I recommend a good tequila.
7. Line drive just foul up the right- or left-field line. Drink.
8. Soria's famous rainbow curve bounces in the dirt. Drink one shot.
9. Fly ball to the warning track. Drink.
10. Tying run reaches scoring position. Two drinks.
11. Winning/go-ahead run reaches scoring position. Three drinks.
12. Soria gets the second out. Two drinks of water.
13. If one run scores: if it is not the tying or winning run, take one drink. If it is the tying run, finish your beer. If it is the winning run, finish your beer and spike the remote control.
14. If a second run scores: if it is not the tying or winning run, take two drinks. If it is the tying run, finish your beer. If it is the winning run, finish your beer and spike the remote control.
15. If a third run scores: finish your beer and spike the remote control. Get on Twitter and wonder why Greg Holland couldn't have just stayed in the damn game.
16. If Soria manages to close out the game: break out the champagne! One glass to celebrate.
Any suggestions for extra rules?
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